For many years, every time I encounter a situation where I am reminded of Jeremiah 29:11, I honestly think..."okay, Lord, this time I really understand!" or "Got it Lord! I completely trust you"....Well, that is until I come up against the next "new situation" that causes me to doubt! How weak my faith can be and is most of the time!
We found out within the last 24 hours that there is a great likelihood that Hudson and Emma will both be coming into our world at the exact time...literally, it could be the same day! We have been praying for Hudson's arrival for so long and was truly wanting his arrival to be this month. However, yesterday we were told that his embassy date is not even scheduled until Nov. 14th....putting his travel home date several weeks after that. Emma, who we thought was due on Christmas Eve, has now been moved up a week to the 18th. If I spend much time thinking about this, my mind and heart become completely overwhelmed...however, I know better than to spend time there. God is so, so, so faithful and He has been more than enough for us throughout this journey, so why in the world would I be questioning Him now?!? I am going to choose, once again, to read Jeremiah 29:11 and rest in full assurance, that His way is perfect and there is nothing that happens to us or around us that is outside of His control.
Sean and I are getting super excited, but we are also subconsciously working on an internal countdown clock....we know life is getting ready to change in 10 weeks...while we are so wanting it to be here, there is a part of us that is a little sad to leave this life that we have now known and loved for almost 6.5 years. We are so blessed for our relationship and friendship--we truly are each others best friends, and I know there is no one else I would rather walk this journey with than him...
We know the Lord has plans for us and each day we realize that there are many, many, many more to come!
Friday, October 7, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
The breakdown and our little girl!!!
Sean and I went to the doctor today and found out that the Lord is blessing us with a baby girl on Christmas Eve! We are so excited! She is ever so proper and modest already! As a matter of fact, she kept her ankles crossed and her knees together the whole ultrasound so the nurse had to do a internal ultra sound to get her to cooperate! Hope the modesty is something that sticks with her!
So, now, when all of the kiddos get here, there will be 3 boys and 2 girls. Sean and I both believe that that is start of a perfect little family! (We say "start" because we have no idea how many children God is going to bless us with!)
We do not have a name for her yet, but we figure that we have 20 weeks to decide that =]
I was cleaning the house this afternoon and I couldn't help but picture what this scene is going to look like in about 6 months! I believe it might be a little chaotic at times; however, I am completely confident that God is truly in control and will not give us more than He can walk us through.
Must share the 'pregnacy breakdown' moment yesterday. We originally were scheduled for our ultrasound yesterday morning. I arrived at 12:15pm like my reminder phone call said only to find out that my ultra sound had been scheduled for 11:15am! I told the receptionists that there was no way that was accurate because my reminder call said 12:15....long story short, it really was at 11:15am (my planner even said so!) and the phone call reminder had been inaccurate. Plus there was no way to fit me in that same day so I would have to reschedule to tomorrow (today). I cannot explain what happened to me at that moment--I lost it! I started sobbing uncontrollably....to the point that I couldn't contain it! I immediately called Sean to tell him to turn around and go back to work but all I could get out was "ultrasound missed' and the convert back to sobbing! He happened to be in the parking lot and thought I was actually IN the ultrasound and that something was terribly wrong!!! He sprinted through the parking lot, up the stairs and into the office to find me standing at the front desk bawling my eyes out! He asked me what in the world was going on...so I told him we had missed the ultra sound and that we would have to come back tomorrow. The look on his face was so funny--now anyways! He had instant relief and said "okay, so....." I guess when you think there is something wrong and it only is a scheduling conflict it really isn't that big of deal. However, for some reason, it was HUGE to me. I was a blubbering mess for the next 30 minutes! What made me so mad was that I couldn't stop it. I had prided myself that up until that moment I had done an "amazing" job controlling these pregnancy emotions....matter of fact, I consistently made fun of those "psycho pregnant women" who couldn't just be normal. Boy did that slap me hard in the face yesterday....so thankful today was a much more stable day =]
So, now, when all of the kiddos get here, there will be 3 boys and 2 girls. Sean and I both believe that that is start of a perfect little family! (We say "start" because we have no idea how many children God is going to bless us with!)
We do not have a name for her yet, but we figure that we have 20 weeks to decide that =]
I was cleaning the house this afternoon and I couldn't help but picture what this scene is going to look like in about 6 months! I believe it might be a little chaotic at times; however, I am completely confident that God is truly in control and will not give us more than He can walk us through.
Must share the 'pregnacy breakdown' moment yesterday. We originally were scheduled for our ultrasound yesterday morning. I arrived at 12:15pm like my reminder phone call said only to find out that my ultra sound had been scheduled for 11:15am! I told the receptionists that there was no way that was accurate because my reminder call said 12:15....long story short, it really was at 11:15am (my planner even said so!) and the phone call reminder had been inaccurate. Plus there was no way to fit me in that same day so I would have to reschedule to tomorrow (today). I cannot explain what happened to me at that moment--I lost it! I started sobbing uncontrollably....to the point that I couldn't contain it! I immediately called Sean to tell him to turn around and go back to work but all I could get out was "ultrasound missed' and the convert back to sobbing! He happened to be in the parking lot and thought I was actually IN the ultrasound and that something was terribly wrong!!! He sprinted through the parking lot, up the stairs and into the office to find me standing at the front desk bawling my eyes out! He asked me what in the world was going on...so I told him we had missed the ultra sound and that we would have to come back tomorrow. The look on his face was so funny--now anyways! He had instant relief and said "okay, so....." I guess when you think there is something wrong and it only is a scheduling conflict it really isn't that big of deal. However, for some reason, it was HUGE to me. I was a blubbering mess for the next 30 minutes! What made me so mad was that I couldn't stop it. I had prided myself that up until that moment I had done an "amazing" job controlling these pregnancy emotions....matter of fact, I consistently made fun of those "psycho pregnant women" who couldn't just be normal. Boy did that slap me hard in the face yesterday....so thankful today was a much more stable day =]
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
I will praise thee forever...because THOU HAST DONE IT!
If you have been a part of mine and Sean's lives for very long, you will remember that at our verse for marriage has been Ps. 52:9 "I will praise thee forever, because thou hast done it: and I will wait on thy name; for it is good before thy saints." It was put on every piece of memorabelia that we could print it on at our wedding! Over the course of our relationship, we have felt an undescribable presence of God when He makes major choices in our world. Our favorite phrase is that there has never been "fireworks in the sky" with any major life move....instead, there has always been the quiet, calm assurance that feels like this...."okay, let's do it."
When we got engaged, it was, "okay, let's do it".
When we set our wedding date, it was "okay, let's do it."
When we purchased our 1st home...."okay, let's do it."
When I quit my teaching job to stay home full time with my business...."okay, let's do it."
When we decided to adopt children...."okay, let's do it."
Each one of these decisions, as we look back, are quite major in and of itself. However, with each choice, God literally just walks us to it and "okay, let's do it." There is no reason for us to panic--no reason to have to fret over the decision. He makes it for us...all we have to do is step with Him to the next place.
Tonight, we have experienced our latest "okay, let's do it" event. We sold our house!!! Want to know the kicker? It wasn't even on on the market AND we have not even begun looking for another house to buy! Want to know what's stranger? Sean and I are both like...."okay, let's do it!" You would think that that "eerily calm feeling" of God's peace despite such major lifechanging decisions would become old hat by now--but it never ceases to amaze me!
We had contacted our realtor about 2 weeks ago to let her know that in a few months, we would be in the house shopping market. We believed that we would be ready to start looking around August or so. About 5 days later, while on our way to an adoption conference in KY, our realtor texted us and said, "I think I have someone that wants to look at your house....are you ready to put it on the market?!?" Want to guess Sean's answer....pretty sure you can figure it out by now! Yup, "okay, let's do it!" So, 3 days later, we showed our house--10 days later (tonight) we sold it.
Sean happens to be in Sacremento, CA this week for business which adds to the drama, but we both know beyond a shadow of doubt no matter how far apart we are physically we have never felt closer in knowing that we can "praise God forever because He has done it!" There is no other reason to explain how else these events could have taken place and why we have such amazing peace.
I have to laugh because about 8 months ago, we wrote our first blog entry about "stepping outside our own little world." We were getting ready to make our first trip into Haiti. We knew God was calling us to do it and we were ready to do it, but completely uncertain as to why were were going or even to what "outside our own little world" was. Now, just a few short months later, that "stepping outside our own little world" has meant 5 babies on the way, selling a house with no where to go, a love for Haiti, and an undescribable passion for adoption. Apart from the Lord, who would have seen this coming?!?
Though we are not certain what God's next steps for us are going to be, I know with absolute certainty that I can trust God with our futures, and I pray with my whole heart that without hesitation, our answer to His next step will be..."okay, let's do it!"
Thank you, Lord, for doing things that could have only been done by Your miraculous hand...
When we got engaged, it was, "okay, let's do it".
When we set our wedding date, it was "okay, let's do it."
When we purchased our 1st home...."okay, let's do it."
When I quit my teaching job to stay home full time with my business...."okay, let's do it."
When we decided to adopt children...."okay, let's do it."
Each one of these decisions, as we look back, are quite major in and of itself. However, with each choice, God literally just walks us to it and "okay, let's do it." There is no reason for us to panic--no reason to have to fret over the decision. He makes it for us...all we have to do is step with Him to the next place.
Tonight, we have experienced our latest "okay, let's do it" event. We sold our house!!! Want to know the kicker? It wasn't even on on the market AND we have not even begun looking for another house to buy! Want to know what's stranger? Sean and I are both like...."okay, let's do it!" You would think that that "eerily calm feeling" of God's peace despite such major lifechanging decisions would become old hat by now--but it never ceases to amaze me!
We had contacted our realtor about 2 weeks ago to let her know that in a few months, we would be in the house shopping market. We believed that we would be ready to start looking around August or so. About 5 days later, while on our way to an adoption conference in KY, our realtor texted us and said, "I think I have someone that wants to look at your house....are you ready to put it on the market?!?" Want to guess Sean's answer....pretty sure you can figure it out by now! Yup, "okay, let's do it!" So, 3 days later, we showed our house--10 days later (tonight) we sold it.
Sean happens to be in Sacremento, CA this week for business which adds to the drama, but we both know beyond a shadow of doubt no matter how far apart we are physically we have never felt closer in knowing that we can "praise God forever because He has done it!" There is no other reason to explain how else these events could have taken place and why we have such amazing peace.
I have to laugh because about 8 months ago, we wrote our first blog entry about "stepping outside our own little world." We were getting ready to make our first trip into Haiti. We knew God was calling us to do it and we were ready to do it, but completely uncertain as to why were were going or even to what "outside our own little world" was. Now, just a few short months later, that "stepping outside our own little world" has meant 5 babies on the way, selling a house with no where to go, a love for Haiti, and an undescribable passion for adoption. Apart from the Lord, who would have seen this coming?!?
Though we are not certain what God's next steps for us are going to be, I know with absolute certainty that I can trust God with our futures, and I pray with my whole heart that without hesitation, our answer to His next step will be..."okay, let's do it!"
Thank you, Lord, for doing things that could have only been done by Your miraculous hand...
Monday, April 18, 2011
Parting is never sweet sorrow....
Shakespeare had this concept all wrong....I have no idea what he was thinking when he wrote "parting is such sweet sorrow"....there is nothing sweet about it. It is awful!
We left the kids tonight, and it was crazy. Literally the children were wailing (to the point the neighbors came over to find out which child had died because they were sobbing so much!). It was heart shredding....
Each of us had an amazing time. We love these children, these workers, and this country. We are so thankful to Rodney and Cathy for letting us come and taking such great care of us.
Thankyou to each of you who have prayed, gave, and have supported us, Rodney & Cathy, and these children. We cannot tell you enough how much we appreciate it.
Leaving tonight, I cannot help but state the obvious...it is so unfair to be an orphan. It breaks my heart to know that these children do not have a mother and a father. Sure, I totally get the concept that they are being taken care of. Pastor and Madame Aristild are phenomenal with them, but there is something drastically wrong with this concept. These kids need a family....they need love...and most of all they need people to point them to the Lord!!!
Will you consider adopting? Will you allow God to use you in such an amazing way that you will never be able to comprehend the scope of its impact?
We left the kids tonight, and it was crazy. Literally the children were wailing (to the point the neighbors came over to find out which child had died because they were sobbing so much!). It was heart shredding....
Each of us had an amazing time. We love these children, these workers, and this country. We are so thankful to Rodney and Cathy for letting us come and taking such great care of us.
Thankyou to each of you who have prayed, gave, and have supported us, Rodney & Cathy, and these children. We cannot tell you enough how much we appreciate it.
Leaving tonight, I cannot help but state the obvious...it is so unfair to be an orphan. It breaks my heart to know that these children do not have a mother and a father. Sure, I totally get the concept that they are being taken care of. Pastor and Madame Aristild are phenomenal with them, but there is something drastically wrong with this concept. These kids need a family....they need love...and most of all they need people to point them to the Lord!!!
Will you consider adopting? Will you allow God to use you in such an amazing way that you will never be able to comprehend the scope of its impact?
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Having a great time!
I am so sorry I have not been blogging--combination of slow upload speed with lack of time! The trip to this point has been fun. Everyone is doing great. Of course, every trip has its stories!
Mike was taken to the UN hospital last night because he had a piece of metal in the center of his eye. The Argentina doctors were able to get it out but want him to immediately go to an optimologist when he gets home. He is hoping to still be able to finish the playground set, but we are not sure. The swingsets are up, and the kids are absolutely beside themselves with giddyness over the new addition!
Dad is having lots of issues with trying to get the electrical. He really needed another couple of hands to help him get this all completed. His kidneys have been hurting so we are praying that the kidney stone does not make an appearance.
The rest of the team is doing the job of loving on kids. Bri and Shelby simply want to just move down here...I think Pastor Aristild is already counting on it! They absolutely love it here and the Haitians love them.
Anna is already tearing up just to think of going back home. She has done exactly what we knew she would....let kids hang all over her and love on them back!!! Her knee is sore, and we keep begging her to wear her brace, but she is politely refusing : )
Martha still has her "cling on" Charlesmise (pronounced shaw-meese). This little girl absolutely will not leave her alone! Jerry, Martha took a day are painted the rebar for the curtains....not so sure you should save a spot for her on her paint crew--it was a little messy : )
Phyllis & Verla---the curtains were a hit! They are hung and they are perfect and beautiful!!! They love it! Also, sidenote for Phyllis & Sara--Wannson is a COMPLETELY different boy! This kid is cracking up laughing and smiling all the time...it is literally amazing!!!
Mom is in love with a boy by the name of Kevins....we are sincerely praying that they will get to bring him over on a 5 year visa....can't describe this boy except to say he is amazing and is a boy after mom's own heart! You all will love him. Please be praying that God will make His plan evident in this situation.
Shelly is doing great---you'd think this woman lives in a 3rd world country all the time! Church ladies---you would totally be impressed--not the same woman!
Lillie is loving all over babies! She was a hit because she taught them how to play baseball....they loved it! However, it was a combo between that and dodgeball. Coconuts were used for the bases and if they could not tag you out with the ball, they would pick up the coconut and throw that!!!?!?
Kristin has talked to Sandeline and Jasmide both about adoption and they are ready to go! We will meet with the attorney in the morning and praying we get a clear understanding of the path that lies before Todd & Kris, Mike & Lydia, and Sean and I about adopting our babies.
Moises, Kentia, and Judely came over today after lunch so we could just spend time starting to bond with them since they are the ones we truly believe that God will be giving us soon. It was a little intimidating as we got off the bus and realized that this really is what reality could look like for us very, very soon...however, it was only intimidating for about 10 minutes. After that--it was shear joy! We played ball, sean practiced karate. We sang, loved on them, fed them snacks, hugged all over them and then put them down for a nap.About 1 hour into the afternoon, I went looking for Sean and Kentia....I found them both taking a nap--Sean sleeping and Kentia snuggled into his side just snoring and drooling away. They both looked so content...it was a sweet moment that I don't think I will ever forget.
Moises gave me my first kiss out of nowhere today....and he also told Sean that he loved him....first time for that too : ) The warm fuzzies were running wildly : I asked Sean if he was scared...he said "not at all....Britt, I am so ready for this!" It melted my heart.
I have loved his attitude through this entire prcoess. He was talking to mom today, and I overheard him say, "no matter what, I am finding out more and more that love is a CHOICE....whatever children God gives us, I am making the committment to choose to love them." It is a such an amazing picture of God's love for us. We were not anything lovable, but God in His mercy CHOOSES to love us and He CHOSE to make us His children. I am so excited to be a part of this amazing process.
We are in love with these children. We cannot wait for you all to meet them. My dad is already smitten and mom has slid into the role of a granparent amazingly. These kids love them, and they are really loving all over them!
Tomorrow is the last day, and we know that it is going to be hard. Please pray that God gives us grace and that we have an amazing last 8 hours with the kids.
Thanks to all who have been praying and giving to sponsor these children and this orphanage. God is answering prayers and providing immensely! You are being used of God, and I can't wait to see what the next step is for so many of us and you as we seek His plan for our lives!
Mike was taken to the UN hospital last night because he had a piece of metal in the center of his eye. The Argentina doctors were able to get it out but want him to immediately go to an optimologist when he gets home. He is hoping to still be able to finish the playground set, but we are not sure. The swingsets are up, and the kids are absolutely beside themselves with giddyness over the new addition!
Dad is having lots of issues with trying to get the electrical. He really needed another couple of hands to help him get this all completed. His kidneys have been hurting so we are praying that the kidney stone does not make an appearance.
The rest of the team is doing the job of loving on kids. Bri and Shelby simply want to just move down here...I think Pastor Aristild is already counting on it! They absolutely love it here and the Haitians love them.
Anna is already tearing up just to think of going back home. She has done exactly what we knew she would....let kids hang all over her and love on them back!!! Her knee is sore, and we keep begging her to wear her brace, but she is politely refusing : )
Martha still has her "cling on" Charlesmise (pronounced shaw-meese). This little girl absolutely will not leave her alone! Jerry, Martha took a day are painted the rebar for the curtains....not so sure you should save a spot for her on her paint crew--it was a little messy : )
Phyllis & Verla---the curtains were a hit! They are hung and they are perfect and beautiful!!! They love it! Also, sidenote for Phyllis & Sara--Wannson is a COMPLETELY different boy! This kid is cracking up laughing and smiling all the time...it is literally amazing!!!
Mom is in love with a boy by the name of Kevins....we are sincerely praying that they will get to bring him over on a 5 year visa....can't describe this boy except to say he is amazing and is a boy after mom's own heart! You all will love him. Please be praying that God will make His plan evident in this situation.
Shelly is doing great---you'd think this woman lives in a 3rd world country all the time! Church ladies---you would totally be impressed--not the same woman!
Lillie is loving all over babies! She was a hit because she taught them how to play baseball....they loved it! However, it was a combo between that and dodgeball. Coconuts were used for the bases and if they could not tag you out with the ball, they would pick up the coconut and throw that!!!?!?
Kristin has talked to Sandeline and Jasmide both about adoption and they are ready to go! We will meet with the attorney in the morning and praying we get a clear understanding of the path that lies before Todd & Kris, Mike & Lydia, and Sean and I about adopting our babies.
Moises, Kentia, and Judely came over today after lunch so we could just spend time starting to bond with them since they are the ones we truly believe that God will be giving us soon. It was a little intimidating as we got off the bus and realized that this really is what reality could look like for us very, very soon...however, it was only intimidating for about 10 minutes. After that--it was shear joy! We played ball, sean practiced karate. We sang, loved on them, fed them snacks, hugged all over them and then put them down for a nap.About 1 hour into the afternoon, I went looking for Sean and Kentia....I found them both taking a nap--Sean sleeping and Kentia snuggled into his side just snoring and drooling away. They both looked so content...it was a sweet moment that I don't think I will ever forget.
Moises gave me my first kiss out of nowhere today....and he also told Sean that he loved him....first time for that too : ) The warm fuzzies were running wildly : I asked Sean if he was scared...he said "not at all....Britt, I am so ready for this!" It melted my heart.
I have loved his attitude through this entire prcoess. He was talking to mom today, and I overheard him say, "no matter what, I am finding out more and more that love is a CHOICE....whatever children God gives us, I am making the committment to choose to love them." It is a such an amazing picture of God's love for us. We were not anything lovable, but God in His mercy CHOOSES to love us and He CHOSE to make us His children. I am so excited to be a part of this amazing process.
We are in love with these children. We cannot wait for you all to meet them. My dad is already smitten and mom has slid into the role of a granparent amazingly. These kids love them, and they are really loving all over them!
Tomorrow is the last day, and we know that it is going to be hard. Please pray that God gives us grace and that we have an amazing last 8 hours with the kids.
Thanks to all who have been praying and giving to sponsor these children and this orphanage. God is answering prayers and providing immensely! You are being used of God, and I can't wait to see what the next step is for so many of us and you as we seek His plan for our lives!
Friday, April 15, 2011
Reality....just setting in...
We are so excited to be back to Haiti. So excited in fact, that we could not wait even one more day to get to that orphanage....so Rodney & Cathy humored us and took us to the orphanage before we went to the guest house to sleep. It was just a quick stop, but we just had too....
My heart had been craving for those little arms of Moises to be around my neck and to be hugging him so tightly...it was a precious, precious hug. We also could not wait to see the "melt your heart" smiles of Judely and Kentia. We were so excited to just be able to be with them again.
Today was a day of just loving on kids. We played bubbles, raced cars, gave new outfits, took photos, played duck duck goose, and gave about a gazillion hugs and kisses....what more could we ask for!
The boys started working on a massive playground set for the kids and dad started wiring for the electricity for the orphanage. It is definitely not a "quick weekend project from Lowes" and OSHA probably would not be pleased ---but hey, it is getting done : )
My mom is like the queen around here! She brought bubbles, snack packs for each day, and plants for the kids to work to plant and grow something....they love her. It has been so much fun watching my mom and dad meet their grandchildren for the first time!!! They are smitten.
While I am on this topic, I am going to ramble for a second...bear with me as I get through these jumbled thoughts...
We are meeting with the judge Monday morning at 9am about the adoptions of our children (and Kristin & Todd, and Mike & Lydia). I am begging you that you will pray with us about this meeting that God will make it very clear about what our next steps are to be.
Now for the rambling....since arriving down here--I think I am really starting to get nervous about reality. Let me state up front, that I trust God for His plan for our lives...I know what He says is best.....now, let me tell you the human side---I AM SCARED TO DEATH!!!! For a while, this has been talk, talk, paperwork, talk, more paperwork, talk and then tons of paperwork. Now that reality is staring me square in the eyes, I almost don't know what to do with it.
I realize that God has lead us to this point, and I believe that He will provide, He has opened miraculous doors and literally done the impossible---and now I feel like I am second guessing. Maybe it is the sun; maybe it is lack of sleep; maybe it is hormones; however, I am probably more accurate if I say that it is just my rotten sinful flesh! I panicked today as I was holding precious Moises in my arms. He was singing me "I have decided to follow Jesus" (in English by the way!) and I just started crying. My head keeps saying..."how will you ever know how to raise these children?" I realize that the answer is just to trust that God will give me the ability....just somehow today that answer hasn't made it way back up to my brain!!!
I want so much for these children to be where God wants them. I want them to grow up to know the Lord, to give Him their hearts at a young age and then have them serve Him wherever He chooses to take them....I think just hearing him sing that song of deciding to follow Jesus struck a huge heart chord with me because my heart is aching for them to do that too.
Our hearts are still smitten with "brown babies"...and I pretty sure mom and dad are too : )
Still makes me crazy to think that people could still object to adoptions of these precious children...one trip down here, and I promise, your hearts will change. If it doesn't, pretty certain that is not the only heart issue you have : ) God loves these babies equally as much and has just as big of a plan for their lives as He does everyone else....we are just so privileged to be a part of this plan.
Tomorrow is another day loving on kids....hopefully my head will be caught up and we will be back on "stable ground" with the emotions.....anyone know of where I can get the "how to be a perfect parent so you won't screw up your kids lives forever" manual??? Never realized how important those verses are in Proverbs....
My heart had been craving for those little arms of Moises to be around my neck and to be hugging him so tightly...it was a precious, precious hug. We also could not wait to see the "melt your heart" smiles of Judely and Kentia. We were so excited to just be able to be with them again.
Today was a day of just loving on kids. We played bubbles, raced cars, gave new outfits, took photos, played duck duck goose, and gave about a gazillion hugs and kisses....what more could we ask for!
The boys started working on a massive playground set for the kids and dad started wiring for the electricity for the orphanage. It is definitely not a "quick weekend project from Lowes" and OSHA probably would not be pleased ---but hey, it is getting done : )
My mom is like the queen around here! She brought bubbles, snack packs for each day, and plants for the kids to work to plant and grow something....they love her. It has been so much fun watching my mom and dad meet their grandchildren for the first time!!! They are smitten.
While I am on this topic, I am going to ramble for a second...bear with me as I get through these jumbled thoughts...
We are meeting with the judge Monday morning at 9am about the adoptions of our children (and Kristin & Todd, and Mike & Lydia). I am begging you that you will pray with us about this meeting that God will make it very clear about what our next steps are to be.
Now for the rambling....since arriving down here--I think I am really starting to get nervous about reality. Let me state up front, that I trust God for His plan for our lives...I know what He says is best.....now, let me tell you the human side---I AM SCARED TO DEATH!!!! For a while, this has been talk, talk, paperwork, talk, more paperwork, talk and then tons of paperwork. Now that reality is staring me square in the eyes, I almost don't know what to do with it.
I realize that God has lead us to this point, and I believe that He will provide, He has opened miraculous doors and literally done the impossible---and now I feel like I am second guessing. Maybe it is the sun; maybe it is lack of sleep; maybe it is hormones; however, I am probably more accurate if I say that it is just my rotten sinful flesh! I panicked today as I was holding precious Moises in my arms. He was singing me "I have decided to follow Jesus" (in English by the way!) and I just started crying. My head keeps saying..."how will you ever know how to raise these children?" I realize that the answer is just to trust that God will give me the ability....just somehow today that answer hasn't made it way back up to my brain!!!
I want so much for these children to be where God wants them. I want them to grow up to know the Lord, to give Him their hearts at a young age and then have them serve Him wherever He chooses to take them....I think just hearing him sing that song of deciding to follow Jesus struck a huge heart chord with me because my heart is aching for them to do that too.
Our hearts are still smitten with "brown babies"...and I pretty sure mom and dad are too : )
Still makes me crazy to think that people could still object to adoptions of these precious children...one trip down here, and I promise, your hearts will change. If it doesn't, pretty certain that is not the only heart issue you have : ) God loves these babies equally as much and has just as big of a plan for their lives as He does everyone else....we are just so privileged to be a part of this plan.
Tomorrow is another day loving on kids....hopefully my head will be caught up and we will be back on "stable ground" with the emotions.....anyone know of where I can get the "how to be a perfect parent so you won't screw up your kids lives forever" manual??? Never realized how important those verses are in Proverbs....
Friday, March 4, 2011
I have no idea....but I do KNOW this---my God is in control!
From the very beginning of this journey "outside our own little world" about 8 months ago, Sean and I truly have felt that we are a part of something BIG---something so big, in fact, that we cannot even begin to imagine what it is. We know that God is shifting and moving our hearts toward something that simply cannot be explained apart from God's working and leading in our lives.
For the past couple of weeks, Sean and I have had many of the "what does this all mean" conversations!!! And we came up with the answer---we have no idea.....but we know God is in it! We say all the time that there are pieces of a puzzle being moved all around us---we just don't know what the picture looks like!
We have no idea why we have suddenly been given a heart for orphans and adopting apart from the fact that we are supposed to adopt....but still, there is this nagging feeling that maybe God is taking us to more than that. We cannot explain why we have fallen in love with Haiti and desperately cannot wait to get back down there each and every time we are getting on the plane....but I believe this is something that God is putting in our hearts!
Over the course of the past couple of weeks though, Sean and I have watched and participated in some of the "coolest blessings" from God...whether anyone reads this or not, I wanted to take a second to write them down so they are not forgotten. Some of these are not fully answered, but it is amazing to see how God is moving the pieces of the puzzle around.
One year ago, Sean nor I had any idea why in the world Sean felt called to go back to school---my husband HATES school. However, he felt that God was truly pushing him to go back for his masters in accounting.....now, 12 months later, my husband is getting ready to launch a 501c3 not for profit account so we can better service the orphanage---something he is learning as we speak in his Master's Program! We thought he was going back for job security....we had no idea that God wanted him to go back because this was part of His huge puzzle for our lives!
Six months ago, Sean and I had no idea that when we were asked last minute by Cathy Fitzsimmons to accompany the men on a work trip to Haiti, that God was really getting us to a place in the world that would not only break our hearts but literally change the direction of our lives!!! It was in Haiti in October 2010 that God gave Sean and I both the desire to adopt "brown babies"---a thought that had never entered our world up until this point.
Backing way up, 5 years ago, it never occurred to me that when I signed up for a "part time job" that God was going to use this job to eventually allow me to leave my full time career and be home so that we are now much more flexible to travel and to be home with my children when they come. Our frequent trips to Haiti would never be available if I still had my teaching position.
I have no idea why I have always felt from God an "unnatural" desire to adopt....many women I talk to just cannot seem to understand why I do not mind at all if I never birth a child. I had no idea, that was, until I got to Haiti and stepped foot into my first orphanage and fell in love with my son Moises--and I knew right there that what God had given me was not unnatural at all--if fact, I am a firm believer that this is going to be one of His greatest gifts to me and Sean because we have a love for these kids that we simply cannot explain.
I do not know why lately I have just been bombarded with the "biggness" of my God--but I truly believe that this is one of the many lessons that He has for me to learn in this journey outside my own little world. He wants me to have complete faith---complete...not shaking or wavering. Right now, I am learning to trust Him in the area of our finances. This is going to be a very expensive process, but as I was telling mom today, I am confident that God is bigger than money....He has to be! You know how I know that? Because He continues to prove Himself faithful everyday and answer the littlest prayers that we have. For instance, here are this week's answered prayers:
1. A good friend of ours was having eye issues---God allowed it not to be anything that requires surgery
2. I posted on my facebook that we are needing multivitamins for the kids---God responded by laying it on the hearts of TONS of people to get involved and help--can't wait to see how many He provides
3. Our laptop broke -- I took it to Best Buy fully expecting to have to buy a new one...one of the guys there fixed it for FREE!
4. We had a friend yesterday give us a plaque with Hudson's name on it....it was cut out in the shape of Africa....another reminder of God's future blessings and how privileged we are!
5. We were perplexed trying to find the money to go to Haiti this next trip...God provided a bonus from my company (instead of a trip!) that will cover all of our airline tickets.
6. We were looking for ways to double the support of our kids in Haiti from $25 to $50 a month....God responded by laying it on individuals hearts and now they were all fully sponsored within 1 day.
7. We are working through the Haitian adoption which seems nearly impossible--God responded by allowing us to connect with a Haitian consulate in Evansville who connected us with someone in Port Au Prince so that we can begin working on that process.
8. Sean and I desperately want to learn French Creole so we can communicate with the Haitians better each time we travel there--God responded by laying it on the heart of Lydia Smith to teach us Creole on Sunday afternoons!
These are just a few of His blessings to us this week. As I said at the beginning...I truly do not have any idea where God is leading us, but I am so amazed at how faithful He has been in showing us the next step to take that I can't help but trust that He is leading us to a place that He has wanted us to be for a long time....it just took stepping outside our own little world to see it!!!
For the past couple of weeks, Sean and I have had many of the "what does this all mean" conversations!!! And we came up with the answer---we have no idea.....but we know God is in it! We say all the time that there are pieces of a puzzle being moved all around us---we just don't know what the picture looks like!
We have no idea why we have suddenly been given a heart for orphans and adopting apart from the fact that we are supposed to adopt....but still, there is this nagging feeling that maybe God is taking us to more than that. We cannot explain why we have fallen in love with Haiti and desperately cannot wait to get back down there each and every time we are getting on the plane....but I believe this is something that God is putting in our hearts!
Over the course of the past couple of weeks though, Sean and I have watched and participated in some of the "coolest blessings" from God...whether anyone reads this or not, I wanted to take a second to write them down so they are not forgotten. Some of these are not fully answered, but it is amazing to see how God is moving the pieces of the puzzle around.
One year ago, Sean nor I had any idea why in the world Sean felt called to go back to school---my husband HATES school. However, he felt that God was truly pushing him to go back for his masters in accounting.....now, 12 months later, my husband is getting ready to launch a 501c3 not for profit account so we can better service the orphanage---something he is learning as we speak in his Master's Program! We thought he was going back for job security....we had no idea that God wanted him to go back because this was part of His huge puzzle for our lives!
Six months ago, Sean and I had no idea that when we were asked last minute by Cathy Fitzsimmons to accompany the men on a work trip to Haiti, that God was really getting us to a place in the world that would not only break our hearts but literally change the direction of our lives!!! It was in Haiti in October 2010 that God gave Sean and I both the desire to adopt "brown babies"---a thought that had never entered our world up until this point.
Backing way up, 5 years ago, it never occurred to me that when I signed up for a "part time job" that God was going to use this job to eventually allow me to leave my full time career and be home so that we are now much more flexible to travel and to be home with my children when they come. Our frequent trips to Haiti would never be available if I still had my teaching position.
I have no idea why I have always felt from God an "unnatural" desire to adopt....many women I talk to just cannot seem to understand why I do not mind at all if I never birth a child. I had no idea, that was, until I got to Haiti and stepped foot into my first orphanage and fell in love with my son Moises--and I knew right there that what God had given me was not unnatural at all--if fact, I am a firm believer that this is going to be one of His greatest gifts to me and Sean because we have a love for these kids that we simply cannot explain.
I do not know why lately I have just been bombarded with the "biggness" of my God--but I truly believe that this is one of the many lessons that He has for me to learn in this journey outside my own little world. He wants me to have complete faith---complete...not shaking or wavering. Right now, I am learning to trust Him in the area of our finances. This is going to be a very expensive process, but as I was telling mom today, I am confident that God is bigger than money....He has to be! You know how I know that? Because He continues to prove Himself faithful everyday and answer the littlest prayers that we have. For instance, here are this week's answered prayers:
1. A good friend of ours was having eye issues---God allowed it not to be anything that requires surgery
2. I posted on my facebook that we are needing multivitamins for the kids---God responded by laying it on the hearts of TONS of people to get involved and help--can't wait to see how many He provides
3. Our laptop broke -- I took it to Best Buy fully expecting to have to buy a new one...one of the guys there fixed it for FREE!
4. We had a friend yesterday give us a plaque with Hudson's name on it....it was cut out in the shape of Africa....another reminder of God's future blessings and how privileged we are!
5. We were perplexed trying to find the money to go to Haiti this next trip...God provided a bonus from my company (instead of a trip!) that will cover all of our airline tickets.
6. We were looking for ways to double the support of our kids in Haiti from $25 to $50 a month....God responded by laying it on individuals hearts and now they were all fully sponsored within 1 day.
7. We are working through the Haitian adoption which seems nearly impossible--God responded by allowing us to connect with a Haitian consulate in Evansville who connected us with someone in Port Au Prince so that we can begin working on that process.
8. Sean and I desperately want to learn French Creole so we can communicate with the Haitians better each time we travel there--God responded by laying it on the heart of Lydia Smith to teach us Creole on Sunday afternoons!
These are just a few of His blessings to us this week. As I said at the beginning...I truly do not have any idea where God is leading us, but I am so amazed at how faithful He has been in showing us the next step to take that I can't help but trust that He is leading us to a place that He has wanted us to be for a long time....it just took stepping outside our own little world to see it!!!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
While I am waiting...
I have been thinking for a couple of days as to how to wrap up the blog for this past trip---words just are not coming naturally. To tell you the truth, I think it is because being home is not feeling natural at all. Sean and I are both struggling with the fact that our home feels empty--something that up until a couple of months ago, we just didn't realize. It is empty because we can hear a couple of little boys running up and down are hallway with Gracie chasing them....but there is no running. It is empty because we can see a room that should be decorated in little boys stuff...but it is not. It is empty because we can here squeals of laughter coming from the tub as 2 little boys play in the water....but once again, there is not.
Now, before I paint a picture of gloom and doom--trust me--there is none of that here! As a matter of fact, our hearts are full of joy and hope at the experience that God has just given us and the love that He has given us for these boys....there is just a sense that these boys belong here---but they just are not here yet. I serve a God that can do what humanly seems impossible, and I am clinging to that fact. He knows our hearts, and I am praying BELIEVING that He can do it.
I had a good friend tonight, share with me a song that I needed to hear. It was entitled "While I am waiting"--totally fits my thoughts exactly. The jist of the song is that while I am waiting for God to work, I am still going to spend my time serving, worshipping and trusting my God...and that's just what I am going to do. Wednesdays are 'fasting and prayer' days for our group of people that are desperately wanting to bring home our children. So, I am praying, and I am waiting---however, I am also going to praise my God and look for additional ways to serve Him while I wait on this particular answer.
I have been reading and talking with some of the team members who went on this trip, and I think the general consensus is that we are all a mess!!! It is like we have literally been given a new set of eyes, and everything--from our possessions, to our families, to our reactions, to our desires, to our emotions and attitudes---everything is being viewed through a totally different lense. I have to admit--it is really hard to look through. It's hard simply because BEFORE 7 days ago, we could be comfortable with where we were, how we lived, what we owned, what our dreams were, and how we viewed life....now, 7 days later, that world has been rocked and we simply can't live the same way ever again. We have been, as one author put it, 'gloriously ruined', and live as we knew it can never be the same.
I praise God for the opportunity that He gave us. I know that He is the one the orchestrated the team, and that He had a specific purpose to accomplish in the lives of each of us who went down. I can't wait for the next trip and to watch who God begins to move on their hearts to join us, Lord willing, in April.
While I am waiting for that trip and for our boys to come home, I am going to praise God for His unveiling of a much bigger plan for my life and for the lives of those who came and continue to flip through pictures and videos of an amazing week that has forever changed my life.
Now, before I paint a picture of gloom and doom--trust me--there is none of that here! As a matter of fact, our hearts are full of joy and hope at the experience that God has just given us and the love that He has given us for these boys....there is just a sense that these boys belong here---but they just are not here yet. I serve a God that can do what humanly seems impossible, and I am clinging to that fact. He knows our hearts, and I am praying BELIEVING that He can do it.
I had a good friend tonight, share with me a song that I needed to hear. It was entitled "While I am waiting"--totally fits my thoughts exactly. The jist of the song is that while I am waiting for God to work, I am still going to spend my time serving, worshipping and trusting my God...and that's just what I am going to do. Wednesdays are 'fasting and prayer' days for our group of people that are desperately wanting to bring home our children. So, I am praying, and I am waiting---however, I am also going to praise my God and look for additional ways to serve Him while I wait on this particular answer.
I have been reading and talking with some of the team members who went on this trip, and I think the general consensus is that we are all a mess!!! It is like we have literally been given a new set of eyes, and everything--from our possessions, to our families, to our reactions, to our desires, to our emotions and attitudes---everything is being viewed through a totally different lense. I have to admit--it is really hard to look through. It's hard simply because BEFORE 7 days ago, we could be comfortable with where we were, how we lived, what we owned, what our dreams were, and how we viewed life....now, 7 days later, that world has been rocked and we simply can't live the same way ever again. We have been, as one author put it, 'gloriously ruined', and live as we knew it can never be the same.
I praise God for the opportunity that He gave us. I know that He is the one the orchestrated the team, and that He had a specific purpose to accomplish in the lives of each of us who went down. I can't wait for the next trip and to watch who God begins to move on their hearts to join us, Lord willing, in April.
While I am waiting for that trip and for our boys to come home, I am going to praise God for His unveiling of a much bigger plan for my life and for the lives of those who came and continue to flip through pictures and videos of an amazing week that has forever changed my life.
Monday, February 14, 2011
An absolute mess...
Not sure how well composed this blog is going to be...feeling pretty raw right now and an absolute mess. I purposely did not write yesterday because I could not collect my emotions enough to sit down and type.
Today is the last day that we are here. In just a few minutes, we will get on the dusty, broken, blue bus with the "tout for Jesus" and "Let's go missionaries" painted on it and take our crew of 18 up to the orphanage where 41 lives have completely changed ours...
How in the world am I going to get through the day without bawling.....pretty sure I already know the answer to that--I won't ( I can tell that because the tears are streaming down my face now) I can't describe the screaming in my heart that is taking place leaving Moses and Judely---I simply don't know how. I know that God wants them in our home---I am more sure of that that I am of anything in this life (apart from my salvation in Christ). They are supposed to be with Sean and I in our forever families....I just cannot wrap my mind around how God is going to do it.
As much as I am feeling, I know that I am not the only one hurting today. Each one on our team is experiencing his or her own set of emotions. The general consensus is that we should stay more days, but we just don't know how to make it possible. Each one of us are trying to cope and smile, but there is a general "sadness" that is over our head at the thought of saying goodbye.
It seems pretty fitting that today is Valentine's day--it is to me, a direct representation of what we are doing...we are physically giving each one of these kids a heart....but in MUCH LARGER sense, we are literally giving these kids our heart. We love them. Guys, this is not an "high on the mountain top" feeling--this is an emotion that is so strong in each of our hearts that it only comes from God. We want these kids---we are praying, literally begging God to perform a miracle. We know He can.....we pray it is soon.
This trip--I cannot say it enough---is short....so short.--5 days to be exact--- but I have a feeling that the impact of this trip will last forever.
Heading to the orphanage now, then going to the clinic to visit burn victims in pediatric unit and then preparing for our birthday social for the kids...they are coming to the place where we are staying! This will be the first time they have been off the property in over a year---we are thrilled to see their smiles and give them their gifts.
God is going to allow this to be a great day---I know that--but I am praying that--just for today--He doesn't ever let the sun set...
Today is the last day that we are here. In just a few minutes, we will get on the dusty, broken, blue bus with the "tout for Jesus" and "Let's go missionaries" painted on it and take our crew of 18 up to the orphanage where 41 lives have completely changed ours...
How in the world am I going to get through the day without bawling.....pretty sure I already know the answer to that--I won't ( I can tell that because the tears are streaming down my face now) I can't describe the screaming in my heart that is taking place leaving Moses and Judely---I simply don't know how. I know that God wants them in our home---I am more sure of that that I am of anything in this life (apart from my salvation in Christ). They are supposed to be with Sean and I in our forever families....I just cannot wrap my mind around how God is going to do it.
As much as I am feeling, I know that I am not the only one hurting today. Each one on our team is experiencing his or her own set of emotions. The general consensus is that we should stay more days, but we just don't know how to make it possible. Each one of us are trying to cope and smile, but there is a general "sadness" that is over our head at the thought of saying goodbye.
It seems pretty fitting that today is Valentine's day--it is to me, a direct representation of what we are doing...we are physically giving each one of these kids a heart....but in MUCH LARGER sense, we are literally giving these kids our heart. We love them. Guys, this is not an "high on the mountain top" feeling--this is an emotion that is so strong in each of our hearts that it only comes from God. We want these kids---we are praying, literally begging God to perform a miracle. We know He can.....we pray it is soon.
This trip--I cannot say it enough---is short....so short.--5 days to be exact--- but I have a feeling that the impact of this trip will last forever.
Heading to the orphanage now, then going to the clinic to visit burn victims in pediatric unit and then preparing for our birthday social for the kids...they are coming to the place where we are staying! This will be the first time they have been off the property in over a year---we are thrilled to see their smiles and give them their gifts.
God is going to allow this to be a great day---I know that--but I am praying that--just for today--He doesn't ever let the sun set...
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Holding back the emotions...
Smiles---and tears---we cannot seem to stop either one of them from coming! Smiles because you cannot imagine the tremendous amount of joy we are experiencing as the team gets to know the children and the workers more and more---each one of us giving away a large portion of our hearts...playing with the children, giving gifts, playing in the yard, holding them while they sleep, giving medicine to the ones who have such a bad cough, all while praying that God takes this little child (who has experienced more in their few short years than many of us will ever in a lifetime) and use them in such a mighty way...
tears will not stop because as each one of us gives away a portion of our heart, we are realizing with shame the tremendous amount of work that God has yet to do in each of our hearts. We have kept back so much of our hearts for ourselves and yet God is unveiling His curtain and showing each of us, some for the first time, that there truly is a much bigger picture that He has for each one of us outside of our own little world.
I truly thought that God had broken every piece of me a few months ago when I was here---I am realizing now, that that was on the first layer....and my heart is a mile thick! It truly brings me to tears just to realize how much I still have not surrendered to God.
Today, we got the tremendous privilege of attending the first baptism of the orphanage...12 precious children and adults have come to know Christ as Savior! If you have ever prayed or gave toward this project, you have had a hand in this!!! Praise Jesus! I don't know if there was a dry eye as we watched these souls make a public example of their faith in Christ. I don't know what the others were thinking (though I saw many tears), but all I could think was that these 12 people were my family--my brothers and sisters in Christ. There is such a connection with them--even though we can't do anything more than typically greet each other--that can only come from a bond in Jesus Christ. I realize that the Bible says not to compare ourselves with each other, but I could not help but feel completely inadequate in my walk with Christ. It is evident---I love Christ and serve Him out of convenience....they love and serve Christ because HE IS THEIR LIFE....that is a difference that is growing more and more evident to me every minute I am with them.
Several of us attended the market today--holy cow....Black Friday has nothing on this town : ) Ladies, your 4am at Kohls wouldn't hold a candle to the shopping that happens in this city! We were able to purchase bowls, cups, diapers, baby wipes & food, and sunglasses for the orphanage. Rodney and Cathy are pro's at this....it was fun to watch them shop! Poor Shelby, Sara and Bri are about to go crazy if they here one more person call them "Blanc" (the creole for white!). It is too funny!
Back at the orphanage, we were able to give each child a new pair of sunglasses and fit them for a new pair of shoes. Such simple gifts--yet it shredded our hearts to watch each of these kids get so excited with their brand new possessions....makes us want to give them everything we have. What in the world do we need 15 pairs of shoes for? They are craving to just have 2 that fit. Why do we need a closet full of clothes when they would just like to have 2 outfits---one for today and another for tomorrow. God, why do we need money to eat out 3 times a week, when they kids are begging for just 3 meals a day...all these questions and so many more are plaguing not only my mind, but also the minds of many of the other members on this team. Again, I realize that it is a process that God is hammering away, but I get really uneasy about each filthy layer that He uncovers in my heart....simply because it is so ugly.
The boys are just about to finish the closets and the cubby holes--you ought to see how excited the kids are! We are going to get stickers and label each one with their names....it is too much fun! Tomorrow is the church dedication and the evening church service...cannot wait!!!
Tonight, we are at Rodney and Cathy's and are going to eat a wonderful meal, blog with family back home, sit outside under a well lit patio, and drink pepsi and ice cold water....when just 10 minutes up the road 41 of the most amazing children will be sitting in the dark, thirsty, and waiting for their meal which is 13 hours away---it literally turns my stomach to see the unfairness in the whole situation.
Despite it all, though, I know that this is too part of the process--we are changing...each one of us...and God is doing it through dirty roads, littered streets, crazy markets, hot temperatures, fabulous missionaries, 41 precious children and 7 workers.....it's a process that is just beginning--and I am pretty certain will take a lifetime to complete....
tears will not stop because as each one of us gives away a portion of our heart, we are realizing with shame the tremendous amount of work that God has yet to do in each of our hearts. We have kept back so much of our hearts for ourselves and yet God is unveiling His curtain and showing each of us, some for the first time, that there truly is a much bigger picture that He has for each one of us outside of our own little world.
I truly thought that God had broken every piece of me a few months ago when I was here---I am realizing now, that that was on the first layer....and my heart is a mile thick! It truly brings me to tears just to realize how much I still have not surrendered to God.
Today, we got the tremendous privilege of attending the first baptism of the orphanage...12 precious children and adults have come to know Christ as Savior! If you have ever prayed or gave toward this project, you have had a hand in this!!! Praise Jesus! I don't know if there was a dry eye as we watched these souls make a public example of their faith in Christ. I don't know what the others were thinking (though I saw many tears), but all I could think was that these 12 people were my family--my brothers and sisters in Christ. There is such a connection with them--even though we can't do anything more than typically greet each other--that can only come from a bond in Jesus Christ. I realize that the Bible says not to compare ourselves with each other, but I could not help but feel completely inadequate in my walk with Christ. It is evident---I love Christ and serve Him out of convenience....they love and serve Christ because HE IS THEIR LIFE....that is a difference that is growing more and more evident to me every minute I am with them.
Several of us attended the market today--holy cow....Black Friday has nothing on this town : ) Ladies, your 4am at Kohls wouldn't hold a candle to the shopping that happens in this city! We were able to purchase bowls, cups, diapers, baby wipes & food, and sunglasses for the orphanage. Rodney and Cathy are pro's at this....it was fun to watch them shop! Poor Shelby, Sara and Bri are about to go crazy if they here one more person call them "Blanc" (the creole for white!). It is too funny!
Back at the orphanage, we were able to give each child a new pair of sunglasses and fit them for a new pair of shoes. Such simple gifts--yet it shredded our hearts to watch each of these kids get so excited with their brand new possessions....makes us want to give them everything we have. What in the world do we need 15 pairs of shoes for? They are craving to just have 2 that fit. Why do we need a closet full of clothes when they would just like to have 2 outfits---one for today and another for tomorrow. God, why do we need money to eat out 3 times a week, when they kids are begging for just 3 meals a day...all these questions and so many more are plaguing not only my mind, but also the minds of many of the other members on this team. Again, I realize that it is a process that God is hammering away, but I get really uneasy about each filthy layer that He uncovers in my heart....simply because it is so ugly.
The boys are just about to finish the closets and the cubby holes--you ought to see how excited the kids are! We are going to get stickers and label each one with their names....it is too much fun! Tomorrow is the church dedication and the evening church service...cannot wait!!!
Tonight, we are at Rodney and Cathy's and are going to eat a wonderful meal, blog with family back home, sit outside under a well lit patio, and drink pepsi and ice cold water....when just 10 minutes up the road 41 of the most amazing children will be sitting in the dark, thirsty, and waiting for their meal which is 13 hours away---it literally turns my stomach to see the unfairness in the whole situation.
Despite it all, though, I know that this is too part of the process--we are changing...each one of us...and God is doing it through dirty roads, littered streets, crazy markets, hot temperatures, fabulous missionaries, 41 precious children and 7 workers.....it's a process that is just beginning--and I am pretty certain will take a lifetime to complete....
Friday, February 11, 2011
We just lost several members of our team....
We have lost them to live here in Haiti!!! I told you once we got them here we wouldn't get them back---it is completely true! Everyone has completely fallen in love with these precious babies. I wish with my whole heart that I could post pictures of Shelly & Phyllis with about 6 kids each on their lap....of Bri, Shelby, and Sara with girls all around them as they painted their fingernails....of Martha and Lille pulling out candy and gifts....of Jan and the boys playing with so many little boys...of Lydia coming "back home" and fitting right in.... and of Kristin and Todd falling in love with these kids....wondering if Nyah is going to look like any of these precious little girls.
God is breaking hearts and opening up a part of the heart that I don't think many of us knew existed. He orchestrated this team...and even though there are a ton of us, it is exactly who God wanted on this trip. God is using the kids to change us--and it is totally for the good.
We spent the whole day just playing and loving on the kids! I don't know who loved it more--us or them!
From a very personal standpoint, the picture i want to show you the most is the pictures of Moses, Judely, and Wannson.....our miracle babies. From the moment we walked into the classroom and our eyes locked in on them, I started bawling, and it seems that I didn't stop for the whole day. When I finally got to Moses, I just picked him up and held him as tight as I could---all I could tell him was that I loved him and I have prayed so hard for him as have so many of you....I just continue to praise God for His complete miracle of healing that He did a little over 3 months ago....to God be the glory is the only thing that can be said. I have not been able to put Moses down all day---he slept for almost 2 hours in my arms. We wanted to bring Moses and Judely back to stay with us tonight, but we are not sure if their little precious minds would comprehend that they are not coming home with us to "live"...Pastor Aristead continues to tell him the Sean and I are his "mama and papa"...my heart breaks to write it because I want with all of my heart for that to be true--so we will continue to pray. God knows if he will one day join our forever family back in the States, but until that dream comes true, I will continue to love him and rock him in my arms in this country for as long as the Lord allows us to travel here.
Mom and dad---Bri is not coming home---tell Ryan that she will not be able to make her shifts at Subway : ) Judely (her little boy) clung to her all day long...I told you they were meant to be together!
The boys got alot of building done today. It is fun to see how much progress is being done at our little orphanage. Today they worked on church benches and cubby hole closets.
Hazelwood members who haven't been on this trip, the group down here says to start saving your pennies because you need to be on the next trip--we are already started to talk about the next one! It will change your life and is the best investment in time and money you could ever have.
A "PS" to all who have donated formula and medicine--it has been a success! "Bob" has become a full time resident here at the orphanage and he looks so healthy! Praise God for allowing all of you to help pray and contribute to these amazing people.
Tonight, we are strategizing for our trip to the market tomorrow. One of the things we want to get are plates and cups. They don't have enough of either. Tonight so that they could all eat at one time, we took the frisbies that we brought down and used those so at least they could eat at the same time for the first time.
We are so thankful for all of the people that give to the orphanage. Right now, we are able to provide 2 meals a day for the children and to keep them with clothing. Praise the Lord! We really would love to raise enough support for the children to eat 3 times a day and to get enough money for them to have medicine too. Please pray that God provides more sponsors for these beautiful children. They are starting to get sick again so we are also going to get them more medicine
Looking forward to tonight of sitting on the balcony with the team just discussing what God is doing in our hearts. So blessed beyond words and can't wait to get back to the kids tomorrow.
God is breaking hearts and opening up a part of the heart that I don't think many of us knew existed. He orchestrated this team...and even though there are a ton of us, it is exactly who God wanted on this trip. God is using the kids to change us--and it is totally for the good.
We spent the whole day just playing and loving on the kids! I don't know who loved it more--us or them!
From a very personal standpoint, the picture i want to show you the most is the pictures of Moses, Judely, and Wannson.....our miracle babies. From the moment we walked into the classroom and our eyes locked in on them, I started bawling, and it seems that I didn't stop for the whole day. When I finally got to Moses, I just picked him up and held him as tight as I could---all I could tell him was that I loved him and I have prayed so hard for him as have so many of you....I just continue to praise God for His complete miracle of healing that He did a little over 3 months ago....to God be the glory is the only thing that can be said. I have not been able to put Moses down all day---he slept for almost 2 hours in my arms. We wanted to bring Moses and Judely back to stay with us tonight, but we are not sure if their little precious minds would comprehend that they are not coming home with us to "live"...Pastor Aristead continues to tell him the Sean and I are his "mama and papa"...my heart breaks to write it because I want with all of my heart for that to be true--so we will continue to pray. God knows if he will one day join our forever family back in the States, but until that dream comes true, I will continue to love him and rock him in my arms in this country for as long as the Lord allows us to travel here.
Mom and dad---Bri is not coming home---tell Ryan that she will not be able to make her shifts at Subway : ) Judely (her little boy) clung to her all day long...I told you they were meant to be together!
The boys got alot of building done today. It is fun to see how much progress is being done at our little orphanage. Today they worked on church benches and cubby hole closets.
Hazelwood members who haven't been on this trip, the group down here says to start saving your pennies because you need to be on the next trip--we are already started to talk about the next one! It will change your life and is the best investment in time and money you could ever have.
A "PS" to all who have donated formula and medicine--it has been a success! "Bob" has become a full time resident here at the orphanage and he looks so healthy! Praise God for allowing all of you to help pray and contribute to these amazing people.
Tonight, we are strategizing for our trip to the market tomorrow. One of the things we want to get are plates and cups. They don't have enough of either. Tonight so that they could all eat at one time, we took the frisbies that we brought down and used those so at least they could eat at the same time for the first time.
We are so thankful for all of the people that give to the orphanage. Right now, we are able to provide 2 meals a day for the children and to keep them with clothing. Praise the Lord! We really would love to raise enough support for the children to eat 3 times a day and to get enough money for them to have medicine too. Please pray that God provides more sponsors for these beautiful children. They are starting to get sick again so we are also going to get them more medicine
Looking forward to tonight of sitting on the balcony with the team just discussing what God is doing in our hearts. So blessed beyond words and can't wait to get back to the kids tomorrow.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
We are here!!!
We made it!!! All 18 of us! We have been here now for about 1 hour and are just getting settled in. I know that life is going to get crazy so I wanted to write really quick and share the "funnies" that have happened so far!
First of all---trying to move a herd of 18 people with about 54 suitcases through the airport is a trip! Praise Jesus, though, we all made it on time in Indianapolis....only Bri and Martha were "in trouble" by security. Bri packed shampoo in her carry on (for those of you who know Bri well, she was totally confused.....she thought she just couldn't pack liquids on her carry on....shampoo is a gel--so she thought she was safe...totally a Bri move!?!) Martha got in trouble for having peanut butter so it was confiscated!
No one panicked too much on the flight down--even Shelly kept her cool : ) After we got off the plane, we all waited to pick up our luggage that was too big for the overhead compartments...well, Pastor was the last suitcase that was left. Only, when he went to pick it up, he realized it wasn't his!!! He opened it up and it was full of little girl clothes!?! Someone else had taken his carry on! It had his passport, laptop, all of other important papers in it! Because he figured it out so quickly, he ran up the terminal and saw the woman and her little girl walking away. He chased after her and was able to get his back and give the little girl her right carry on. We are tried to imagine what it would have been like to see Pastor in a Hannah Montana shirt all week : )
We stayed in a really nice hotel just outside the Miami and woke up bright and early for the 7am flight. Everything went great--it is really hot down here, but I think everyone is falling in love with the place. Of course there is the culture shock of the driving (Shelly is having a cow!!!) and the poverty---but I am going to give it a day or two before everyone is absolutely in LOVE with Haiti and its people. Kristin and Phyllis have not gotten sick yet---major blessing!
At the airport---Preacher and Todd were bombarded with the "luggage help"---they just couldn't say no, so they ended up paying several guys to carry their bags....they are such softies : )
We stopped at a really nice restaurant for dinner---while we were there at the resort by the water, we heard a really large splash----Sam Ranger had fallen off the of the platform in to the ocean! Mike Smith dove right in and got him back to the platform safe and sound---everyone is okay, but Sam was scared and Mike's passport and billfold are soaked! Praising the Lord that we can laugh about it now and that nothing too serious happened!
Eddie and Madame Eddie have done some amazing work for our accommodations---it is amazing and we are so thankful! Martha, Shelby, Phyllis, Sara, Bri & Lillie have one room. Todd, Kris, Pastor & Shelly have another, Jan and the 3 boys have a room, and Sean and I are in the last room.
We are getting ready now to unpack, grab dinner, and get geared up for a busy couple of days. Everyone is "itching" to get to the orphanage. Not sure if we will get there today or if we will get there first thing in the morning.
Please pray for this team. I know that God hand picked the team that is here and He has a special purpose for each person being here. I just know it.
Can't wait to share specific stories, but I wanted to let you know that some of the "basic info" that has happened so far : )
First of all---trying to move a herd of 18 people with about 54 suitcases through the airport is a trip! Praise Jesus, though, we all made it on time in Indianapolis....only Bri and Martha were "in trouble" by security. Bri packed shampoo in her carry on (for those of you who know Bri well, she was totally confused.....she thought she just couldn't pack liquids on her carry on....shampoo is a gel--so she thought she was safe...totally a Bri move!?!) Martha got in trouble for having peanut butter so it was confiscated!
No one panicked too much on the flight down--even Shelly kept her cool : ) After we got off the plane, we all waited to pick up our luggage that was too big for the overhead compartments...well, Pastor was the last suitcase that was left. Only, when he went to pick it up, he realized it wasn't his!!! He opened it up and it was full of little girl clothes!?! Someone else had taken his carry on! It had his passport, laptop, all of other important papers in it! Because he figured it out so quickly, he ran up the terminal and saw the woman and her little girl walking away. He chased after her and was able to get his back and give the little girl her right carry on. We are tried to imagine what it would have been like to see Pastor in a Hannah Montana shirt all week : )
We stayed in a really nice hotel just outside the Miami and woke up bright and early for the 7am flight. Everything went great--it is really hot down here, but I think everyone is falling in love with the place. Of course there is the culture shock of the driving (Shelly is having a cow!!!) and the poverty---but I am going to give it a day or two before everyone is absolutely in LOVE with Haiti and its people. Kristin and Phyllis have not gotten sick yet---major blessing!
At the airport---Preacher and Todd were bombarded with the "luggage help"---they just couldn't say no, so they ended up paying several guys to carry their bags....they are such softies : )
We stopped at a really nice restaurant for dinner---while we were there at the resort by the water, we heard a really large splash----Sam Ranger had fallen off the of the platform in to the ocean! Mike Smith dove right in and got him back to the platform safe and sound---everyone is okay, but Sam was scared and Mike's passport and billfold are soaked! Praising the Lord that we can laugh about it now and that nothing too serious happened!
Eddie and Madame Eddie have done some amazing work for our accommodations---it is amazing and we are so thankful! Martha, Shelby, Phyllis, Sara, Bri & Lillie have one room. Todd, Kris, Pastor & Shelly have another, Jan and the 3 boys have a room, and Sean and I are in the last room.
We are getting ready now to unpack, grab dinner, and get geared up for a busy couple of days. Everyone is "itching" to get to the orphanage. Not sure if we will get there today or if we will get there first thing in the morning.
Please pray for this team. I know that God hand picked the team that is here and He has a special purpose for each person being here. I just know it.
Can't wait to share specific stories, but I wanted to let you know that some of the "basic info" that has happened so far : )
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Heading back to Haiti!
Haiti tomorrow!!! We are going with 17 other friends from our church--and I can't wait! It will be so fun to see the "first timers" experience it for the first time, and I can't wait to see what God does in each person's life. I have been praying daily for this group that God will do some mind-blowing things....I truly believe He can!
I have to say that I am so excited about heading back---simply because I am looking forward to finding out more and more of what God's "bigger picture" is for Sean and I. Since our last trip a little over 3.5 months ago, God has been doing so many things to take us outside our "own little world"!
Of course the most obvious move outside of our comfort zone has been are decision to adopt from Africa. That was a definite, direct result of our trip to Haiti. God is showing both Sean and I a much bigger picture in the realm of orphan care. We are super excited to be welcoming Hudson into our home sometime in the next few months!
In addition to "major moves" outside of our own little world, God has been showing us "smaller things" in His overall bigger picture for our lives. Both Sean and I have been challenged in our material lives simply to live with less and give more. After visiting Haiti, how could you not! It simply slaps you in the face how completely selfish and over indulgent we have been. It has been a difficult lesson, but one that we simply are finding the most joy in!
Also, we are working on just being more keenly aware of what God has for our lives. We have known for several months that God wants something much more from us--we sense it---and we are excited to see that day by day He is patient as He reveals His will to us....slowly!
Looking forward to blogging about the trip and praising God for the results that He is going to accomplish!!!
I have to say that I am so excited about heading back---simply because I am looking forward to finding out more and more of what God's "bigger picture" is for Sean and I. Since our last trip a little over 3.5 months ago, God has been doing so many things to take us outside our "own little world"!
Of course the most obvious move outside of our comfort zone has been are decision to adopt from Africa. That was a definite, direct result of our trip to Haiti. God is showing both Sean and I a much bigger picture in the realm of orphan care. We are super excited to be welcoming Hudson into our home sometime in the next few months!
In addition to "major moves" outside of our own little world, God has been showing us "smaller things" in His overall bigger picture for our lives. Both Sean and I have been challenged in our material lives simply to live with less and give more. After visiting Haiti, how could you not! It simply slaps you in the face how completely selfish and over indulgent we have been. It has been a difficult lesson, but one that we simply are finding the most joy in!
Also, we are working on just being more keenly aware of what God has for our lives. We have known for several months that God wants something much more from us--we sense it---and we are excited to see that day by day He is patient as He reveals His will to us....slowly!
Looking forward to blogging about the trip and praising God for the results that He is going to accomplish!!!
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